About Marina...

Times of great spiritual darkness everywhere. If you complain about the way things are now, it's only because you never knew what things were like then. I went to the Billy Graham crusade, and smoked a cigarette on the way home in the tram. However on the inside of me there was great turbulence. I was in a job I hated, in a town I hated, (Brisbane, but I had been brought us in what was then a very lovable Sydney) among people I really didn't like at all. Worst of all was that I had no control over my own life. I always finished up doing all the things I really didn't want to do. I would go on holidays every year and really go wild. This was very risky in that pre-pill era. I was very scared about how I would finish up. I certainly repented every year, but always did the same thing all over again the next year. 

    I began to wonder what God thought of me. I just knew that the spiritualist God I had grown up with was a lie, and he certainly didn't have the answers. So, I decided to go to the source and read the Bible to find out, so I opened to Genesis. That turned out to be a big mistake, as I found the God of the Old Testament very scary indeed. I mean, fancy zapping someone out, for just touching the Arc! However, I plowed on, because I was desperate.

    During this time my fear was reaching paranoia. We had just acquired a new car and Dad insisted on driving me to work and back. Horrors! I never knew which hour would be my last. In fact, the only day I made an excuse and didn't go with him, he had an accident, and the passenger seat was really caved in. Finally one day, on my way up to the car, home from work, the Holy Spirit finally got the truth home to me, that Jesus had died not just for those people back then, but for me. The price had been paid for my sin. Right then, I said "Well God, this life isn't worth much, but if you can do anything with it, take it and do it." Right then, it felt like a great weight had fallen of me, and I felt new inside. I didn't quite understand it all, but it sure was good. One of the boys at work was the son of a Methodist lay preacher, and I remember saying to him, "Des, you knew all about this all the time. Why didn't you tell ME?" I don't think he answered me.

    So, I needed to find out all about this, so what did I do but go to church. The Methodist was the one I could get to from me place. At that time, the Methodists had a youth meeting once a month in town, called Methodist Youth Fellowship, where the likes of Arthur Preston, Ivan Alcorn, and many other luminaries presided. They would get the kids born again in there, and they would all back to their churches to cot a volley or scorn and abuse there at the very thought of it. So, it was a very confusing time for all. As for me, well, because of that church, I was right back in the old loop again, worse off than ever. When it was all over, and it didn't take that long, I just felt that God wasn't strong enough to hold onto me, so where did I go from there.

    Well, I told you they were days of great ignorance. I remember when I prayed in my early Christian life, God always seemed so remote, like a being somewhere out there who probably watched us through a telescope or something. When I prayed, I always had the feeling that if I didn't do it myself it wouldn't get done. You really just didn't expect God to actually answer prayer…you hoped He would but not very much. Anyway, there was I back at the Christian Doctor's again, but this time he had an answer for me. There was a couple living just around the corner from me involved in work with teenagers, and I found myself at their place. Then I found myself involved in their work, and eventually in the work full time. They never did hear my testimony, as, you see, I had never followed the accepted formula. I had never gone forward at any meeting or anything, and I knew there were people who were sure I wasn't even saved.

What actually happened was that very few people then were really being saved, and although we had a youth centre that opened every Saturday Night with me in charge, we were mainly ministering to Christian kids. It certainly gave gave them a place to go in otherwise dead Brisbane, but that was about it. Even if we were getting into the areas that I wanted to there was really no-one in the group who would understand any of these kids or their needs. So I was feeling very frustrated. Also, the more I worked with Christians, the more that early glow left me, and has never really returned.

    So, eventually the ministry closed down, due to lack of financial support more than anything else, although there were many other factors against it, too. That left me in a vacuum. I'd high hopes that had come to nothing, and now no job, so it looked like Bible College was my only option. I don't know if I was particularly called or not, but I told God that is I had my fare down and back and my first term's fees I'd go, so I did.

    It was an interdenominational Bible College which in its day had produced some really find missionaries, but in the 2 years I was there, there were many things there that just weren't right. So, at the end of 2 years, I had me diploma, a big health and weight problem, and no faith at all. I came back to the vacuum of Brisbane again, very depressed. I still had quite a few problems dating back to my spiritualist days - problems in those days, one wouldn't even discuss, let alone meet someone with the anointing to break off the devil's plans in my life, so for the most part, I suffered silence, really believing I was alone - that no-one else ever had my problems. Now, of course, I'm sure that was a lie. I tried to get work in Brisbane - I was convinced I should never even think of becoming a missionary. I got that right anyway - what a disaster that would have been.

    Eventually I was offered a job in Sydney, cooking at a Christian old people's home. One of the camps I had cooked for during College asked me to cook for them again in NSW for a week. I said I would, but they would have to get me to Sydney. So, they did. I told the home they would have to wait a week if they wanted me, and they did. I was the only cook for about 40 people, and I found the work heavier than I could handle. So, I left after a year and found a secular job. During all this time, any time I tried to pray, the skies were like brass. I just couldn't seem to get through. Even now, I don't know what t was all about. By this time, I really felt rejected by God, for reasons I didn't understand. There followed 10 years living in the wilderness, when, if you'd met me, you wouldn't/t have even known I was a Christian. 

    Finally, my Mother became very ill, and my Father got sick looking after her, so I bowed to what I thought was the inevitable, and although I really didn't want to, I packed up my little dog, Lady and myself and went home. As it turned out, I was not welcome. During all my time in Sydney, my parents had begged me to return to Brisbane but now they insisted they hadn't wanted me back. The work I was doing in Sydney was very specialised, in the Printing Trade, didn't exist in Brisbane, as this was usually a man's job here, and I just wasn't very good at general office work or any kind of work. So, as it was always hard to find work in Brisbane, compared with Sydney, I found myself stuck in an impossible situation. My parents' health had recovered, by the way.

    So, I began study at home, finishing off my school studies, and a few other things in an effort to find work, but it didn't seem to lead anywhere. I joined Amway, and started to watch Robert Schuller, as you did if you were in Amway. That was OK, until my Direct Distributor told me I should watch Fred Price. Who???? Well, I did. He was on about 6 am on Sunday Mornings and I was astounded. Here was this black, Spirit Filled preacher telling me about spiritual authority - telling me I wasn't under the curse of the Law - telling what that was, anyway - telling me who I am in Christ Jesus, and what that really means.

    I had been a Baptist for quite a while by the, and we were told of course, that the Baptism of the Holy Spirit was not for today, and speaking in tongues was of the devil. Fred Price probably marked the beginning of the Charismatic revival in Brisbane, and I said "I've been had", which as he was always telling us, the denominational churches had been going for a long time. So, I opened up my spirit, and drank in everything he had to say. I got tapes from everywhere after that - Rhema was in Perth in those days, and Margaret Court was just starting a ministry there also - the Moorheads were still there. Also, Steve Ryder in his Easter conferences had speakers of the caliber of Jackie Pullinger. Well, much to my Mother's disgust, I got them all, but most important, things began to change, because I put what I was hearing into practice.

    There were a few things wrong with that, s it was in Mum's name, and I had no authority to sell, and Mum couldn't sign anything. So, God had the law changed, and after a monumental struggle - I was the first one to try out that new law - I got authority to sell out, and buy this present place in Mum's name. By this time, I had some contact with Tribe of Judah, and was determined to get down to Kingston, not only because of TOJ, but because property values were still affordable here. So, I finally found someone to buy the unit, and this house was priced at $75,000, but I bought if for $67,000. Praise the Lord!

    Well, by the time I got here I was very sick and stressed, with the devil still trying his best to upset things, but I had learned my lessons well. Now, about 2 years on, I am better in health than before, and God is gradually healing me from the inside out. Mum passed away about a year ago, which was a blessing, as she hadn't been able to verbally communicate for quite a while, although I I always saw her regularly, but it was very distressing. So, here I am at 65, feeling that I haven't even got started yet. It has taken so long to escape the snares and traps of the devil, and just be free to live the way God wants me to, sometimes I find it hard to relax. I still have that steel in my spirit, and now I am not sure if it is a blessing or not. My spirit was born again over 40 years ago, buy my soul has a long way to go yet. However, at last I have peace, and am looking forward to what God has for me from now on.

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